A few thoughts on my No Buy Year...

now that the end is in sight.

There were times over the past year where I thought I’d never see the finish line of this no buy year.

The first time I doubted that I would be able to go an entire year without shopping occurred on Day 1 when I published my intention to do a no buy year:

How was I, a self-proclaimed former shopaholic who loved clothes, going to make it through an entire year without buying clothes, shoes, jewelry or accessories?

And this question kept rattling around in my head a lot at the beginning, especially during the first few months, which I think were the hardest as I worked to distance myself from shopping triggers and to find new emotional outlets.

As time went on, it got easier and easier to not shop and I eventually got to the point where I felt like I could tempt fate by going into some of my local shops where I was able to appreciate things without buying them. Disclaimer: I never tested myself in 2 of my favorite consignment clothing shops, as I didn’t see the point. I think being able to go into one of them to drop items off to sell but to not look around was test enough!

The second time I truly doubted myself was around the 6-month mark. It was at this point that the newness of the challenge had long dissipated and I also felt like it was “easy” to not shop. I felt like I had accomplished everything that I had set out to do. But then I wondered if I was just trying to find an excuse to go back to shopping again, like, was my mind just playing tricks on me so that I could justify quitting early? I kept thinking that if I’ve been able to not shop for 6 months, it must mean I’m finally cured of my shopping addiction.

[But I’ve come to realize something since then: I’ve been cured of my shopping addiction for quite a while. I got myself into debt in my 20s, following which I went through a difficult debt journey and I’ve been on the other side of that journey for 7 years. I have a budget for fun purchases that I (mostly) stick to. I buy most of my clothing from secondhand sources or I make it myself (not so much lately, but I could if I wanted to). The person I am today is far removed from that girl I used to be. And I don’t want to continue to demonize her. I want to accept her in all her naivety and dumb decisions because while she was stressed a lot, she was also full of joy and possibility.]

The third time I doubted myself was at the 10-month mark. You may have read about it in this newsletter. I was just feeling really down about the entire experience. In an effort to successfully complete the no buy year, I kinda sucked all of the creative inspiration out of my life. I was feeling really unmotivated and uninspired, I was wearing the same boring items over and over, and I just didn’t feel like myself. But getting my thoughts and feelings out in a letter helped me to process those feelings and I started feeling better. And while the afternoons are still warm, the mornings and evenings are a little chillier and I’m getting excited to pull my cold-weather items out.

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When I made the decision to do a no buy year back in October of 2023, I was so tired of shopping and feeling like I was constantly buying things to “find my personal style” but never being able to quite nail it down. I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the past year and I keep returning to the one time when I felt the most “me” in my clothes without having to think about it: when I as in college.

I wasn’t trying to define anything, I was just buying and wearing the things that I really loved.

I remember my best friend picking me up one day to go out for lunch, or maybe we were going to the mall. The activity isn’t really important. What I was wearing is: a pinkish brown vintage wool blazer with a pinkish brown satin lining that was totally busted but I didn’t care about that. I had found it at my local Salvation Army thrift store and I loved it so much! I had paired it with a pair of light wash jeans, some hot pink stilettos with a pointy toe from Aldo (my favorites!) and while I can’t remember the specific top, it was probably a cute little spaghetti-strapped billowy cotton top with buttons up the front à la American Eagle on the 2000s. I’m sure there were some cute necklaces and probably some bracelets too.

Ugghhh, I really regret getting rid of that blazer.

I also regret letting this version of myself go (minus her shopping addiction)…she was so sure of herself, so carefree and just excited about life, but I guess that’s what your 20s are for. She didn’t try to define anything and she didn’t punish herself. Oddly enough, I think the restrictions that I place on myself today are simply to punish “her” for her bad shopping behaviors that resulted in a lot of debt that I had to deal with. But, she wasn’t all bad - I want to find the good aspects of her that are still in me. I want to stop caring about restrictions, about labelling, and I just want to have fun with clothing again.

When did it become normal for us to define certain aspects of ourselves into a few words, to cram our creativity into a box? Surely we are all more complex than a few words, so why shouldn’t our clothing reflect that. Why do we tamp down on joy and self-expression through our clothing?

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Sometimes it feels trivial to talk about clothing as much as I do (or used to at least). Especially when there are much bigger problems to worry about. But fashion is such a distraction from the hard stuff. Putting on a great outfit that you love and feel confident in can make the hard things a tiny bit more bearable.

And here’s the thing: I like shopping. I’ve said before that my wardrobe is my hobby. I love finding unique items that bring me visual joy when I see them in my wardrobe, especially if those items have been thrifted so that I get to add onto their story. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if I’ll ever thrift 6 items in one day again. It’s possible.

But I’m trying to let go of the guilt I feel over having been a shopaholic because one thing that I’ve learned over the last year is that I am pretty good at not shopping. I’ve learned that I don’t need to shop and that I can be perfectly content with what I own. But I’ve also learned that shopping can be a source of joy for me as well and that’s ok. It’s ok to like shopping, as long as I have money that is budgeted for those purchases. And sometimes, adding a new item can help me appreciate the things that I own even more.

And here’s another thing that surprises me about this no buy year - I have no idea if this past year has changed anything about my relationship with shopping. I think at the beginning I thought this was going to be this huge life-altering event, but I don’t feel that different, honestly.

However, one thing that this challenge has given me is a newfound confidence to do things that are hard and to put myself out there even though I might fail. I’m also learning to accept that there are things about my past shopping behavior that I have a lot of guilt over but that I should be proud of all the work I’ve done over the years to be a better consumer.

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Looking back on this past year, I feel proud that I stuck with it even though I can’t say that it was a wholly wonderful experience. Sometimes it feels like I was just trying to punish myself. I was in this constant cycle of placing restrictions on myself and I couldn’t figure out how to break free. But I think I’ve finally figured it out and the no buy year was the thing that led me there.

So, the largest restriction that I’ve ever placed on myself might end up being the most freeing thing I’ve ever done for myself.

I’m not going to end this letter with any declarations about how I am going to shop going forward, except that my first purchase will be some much needed new underwear :) And I can’t confidently say that the experience was life-changing but I think I’ll be able to see the positives more on the other side, of which I fully intend to document here from time to time, maybe in a monthly analysis of what I bought…thoughts?

And stay tuned for an upcoming newsletter where I share a breakdown of my no buy year rules that I set forth at the beginning of the challenge and how they all played out over the past year. If you have any specific questions about my no buy year experience, please leave them in a comment below and I’ll address them in the newsletter.

Thanks for reading! I hope you have a great weekend 💕