How to declutter so that you don't regret it.

Here are 3 tools that I use.

Even without putting a name to it, we’ve been decluttering all our lives.

As kids, we constantly got rid of the old stuff to make room for the new - because we outgrew our stuff (literally) or we just got older and developed new interests.

As young adults, fresh out of high school, some of us moved around from apartment to apartment, each time shedding some of the load to make moving easier.

But decluttering gets harder and harder as we get older, as we put down roots. We outgrow our stuff at a slower rate, we stop moving around so much, or we’re simply too busy and tired to deal with it.

We also attach a lot of sentimental value to the stuff we own…the dress we wore to graduation, the shoes that we bought on our first trip to Paris, the ceramic bowl that used to belong to our grandmother. And as we age, there are more memories and more stuff to attach those memories to.

And there’s fear. Fear that we’ll get rid of something and regret it.

I have a couple of vivid memories of decluttering before I could actually name what I was doing. At the time, I was just getting rid of stuff.

1 - The first is when I was in high school (I think). It’s possible that I could have been in college but I remember going through all of my clothes and bagging a bunch of it up for my mom to donate. Oddly enough, I remember a sweater from my high school days that I wish I still had. I don’t know if it was in any of the bags that she donated but whatever happened to it, I hope it found someone else who loved it.

2 - The next memory I have is from my college days and probably when my shopping addiction was at it’s peak. We lived in the basement of my in-law’s house. To get to the bedroom, you had to pass through the bathroom and then a walk-thru closet (there was also another door, but we never used that one).

I remember that there were rails on the right side as you walked into the bedroom and on the left was some shelving and a small area to get ready. I remember the mess of clothes everywhere as I shoved things into bags to donate. Maybe it was just before we moved out. I’m not sure. But I do remember a wool blazer that I thrifted at Value Village with a friend. The fabric was a blend of pink and brown and it had a pink satin lining. The lining was a little torn up but the wool shell was in great condition. I remember wearing it with light colored jeans a lot (and probably a pair of hot pink stilettos that were my favorite and also probably gave me bunions). I don’t know if this is when I got rid of the blazer but I do think about it often and wish I still had it.

3 - The final story is a more recent one. A few years ago, I was decluttering some accessories. I had a couple of chain belts from my college days that I decided to get rid of because they didn’t fit in with the style that I was currently experimenting with. One was silver with rhinestones all around and a small rhinestone flower that served as the focal point, and closure.

Instead of donating it straight away, I passed it along to my daughter for dress-up. And I didn’t think about it again until around 6 months ago. I asked my daughter if she still had it and she told me that she decluttered it a while ago. And I remember feeling so sad about that. The regret was heavy enough that I actually went on Etsy and started searching for “rhinestone chain belts” hoping to find the same, or a similar, one. I found one that was similar and I added it to my favorites.

And I think I must have simply forgotten about it.

Fast forward to decluttering the kid’s bathroom a few months ago and what should I find in the bottom drawer, along with a bunch of hair accessories??? That’s right, the rhinestone chain belt. I was elated! It is now safely tucked away with my other belts and I’m pretty sure I’ll never let it go again!

A couple of the rhinestones have darkened over the years but I think that just adds character.

I recently used this belt as a strap for my handbag for a night out and I love how it made the handbag a little fancy and added some sparkle to my all black outfit…

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These memories of things long lost but not forgotten, in addition to my desire to have less stuff, has led me to implement a few things that insulate me from having regret while decluttering:

Memory Box

This is something that I’ve been doing for the past few years, for both me and the kids. I actually started it with the kids, and loved the idea so much that I implemented it for myself.

When I would declutter with them, I found that they would have a hard time letting go of some things that they were no longer using. I didn’t want them to see decluttering as something that was painful so we decided to use a memory box: a place that was limited in size that they could use to contain their most prized childhood possessions.

The idea is that this will be a box that they can take with them once they move out. As my husband and I plan to downsize in terms of housing at some point, they know that we will not be storing their stuff.

It’s my hope that this box helps them be unburdened by the clutter of childhood.

It is in these boxes that we store the items we are most sentimental about. In mine are a few items from high school, some photos, a couple of college keepsakes and room for some other keepsake items such as a little dish from my grandmother that I store my jewelry in.

When the mood strikes, it’s nice to go through some of these items. On a few occasions I have decided to let the physical items go (the kids have too as they’ve gotten older) and have used the following tool to make sure that I can recall it if I ever want to:

Memory photo album (digital)

If I decide to get rid of an item from the memory box, or even an item that I love but don’t want to own anymore, I take a photo of it and keep it in an album on my phone. It’s nice to go back through the photos and appreciate the items and the memory the image invokes without the burden of clutter.

My daughter got a polaroid camera one Christmas and she took some photos with it that I kept. As I was going through the memory box while writing this newsletter, I decided that I didn’t need to keep these so I took a picture of some of them to look back on. I can’t believe how dark my hair was!

Maybe Box (aka the “Purgatory Pile”)

This is the thing that I use the most, and specifically for clothes. I have been decluttering a lot of clothes lately. And while I haven’t regretted getting rid of most items, there are a few that I recall from time to time and wish that I had held on to (I counter the feeling of regret by visualizing someone else discovering them, loving them, and actually wearing them).

Whenever I decide to let go of an item that I really love but rarely/never wear, I put it in a maybe box. I jokingly refer to this as the “purgatory pile” since it just sits there until I decide it’s fate ;).

After a set amount of time, I go through all of the items in the box. The time that has passed between removing the item from my wardrobe and going through the maybe box helps remove the emotion from it and allows me to be more rational about getting rid of it or keeping it.

Sometimes I pull a few items back out. For example, I’ve felt a shift in my personal style lately toward adding more tailored items into my wardrobe. Then I remembered that I had a few pairs of vintage trousers in my maybe box, as well as a navy blazer that is perfectly tailored to me. So, I’ve incorporated them back into my wardrobe - the blazer at least…I have to alter the hem of the 2 pairs of trousers to fit me better before I add them back in.

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Do you ever regret getting rid of certain items when you declutter?

Does the fear of regret hold you back from getting rid of things?

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