10 Months of a No Buy Year.
I'm struggling.
August 14, 2024.
Today marks the 10-month mark of my no buy year. And I’m really struggling. As much as I want this to be a happy newsletter, because hi 🙋🏼♀️ I haven’t posted in months, I just don’t have it in me to pretend that everything is fine.
If I’m being honest with myself, and you, I think this no buy year has played a big part in why I feel so shitty.
When I started this challenge, I felt really positive about it. I struggled with a shopping addiction for all of my 20s and the early part of my 30s. I went into a lot of debt to buy a lot things that I didn’t need. But I knew that I couldn’t continue living like that. I still can’t believe that I would joke that a credit card was free money until the bill came. Like, who even says that?!? I had to put in a lot of work to overcome my shopping compulsions and I latched onto minimalism and capsule wardrobes, which helped me a lot!
I used to thrift when I was in college. Not exclusively since my real vice was going to the mall and buying fast fashion, but a little bit, here and there. When I really started getting into sustainable fashion, at first I was shopping from sustainable brands but then I started to thrift more. Which meant that I could buy more items.
Eventually, I felt like I was continuously consuming, which is where the no buy year came into play. And I felt great about it for a long time. After I got past the 6-week mark, it felt pretty easy to not shop.
But things started to go downhill around the 6-month mark, which I think is about the time I stopped writing. Actually, I stopped doing anything creative.
It was (and is) still easy to resist shopping, but I feel like my creativity has dried up. I’ve put boundaries in place to keep me from shopping. I have been staying off of social media, I have been avoiding clothing websites (for the most part), and I have been staying away from clothing shops. I went into a few shops on vacation this summer with my daughter but I was fine just looking around for her.
But removing all of these things also removed a lot of sources of inspiration. I really hate how it feels like social media has become all about shopping. And while I don’t miss all the ads and promoted products, I do miss the inspiration.
I am so tired of all of my clothes and have been wearing the same few outfits on rotation. And I know it’s not the clothing itself that I’m sick of, it’s just that it all feels stale without the influx of something “new” and exciting. I miss finding a really cool item and then styling it with my older items. And while I made a rule that I could buy fabric for sewing and make myself something, I’m just as unmotivated to do that. Maybe the no buy year has given me an identity crisis. As someone who has always loved clothes and styling, I feel a little lost right now. Like I’m missing that spark, that little bit of excitement that comes when you find something truly amazing.
I also miss the distraction of shopping. Especially lately. Two and a half weeks ago, we had to say good-bye to our mini schnauzer, Kaya. I think in the past, I would have used shopping as a coping mechanism for the grief, but instead, I have very little to distract me from it. Reading always drifts into thoughts of her and how she’s no longer here. And while journaling might help, I haven’t tried it because as much as it helped me in the beginning, I just can’t bring myself to do it right now.
So, where does this leave me and the no buy year? I’m glad to have made it this far and I want to continue. It seems like a waste to almost get to the end and to throw in the towel. It’s only 2 more months. I’m sure that I won’t feel this bad for the next 60-ish days. But I also want to acknowledge that I’m not having a great time. That I feel some regret over placing this restriction on myself. I feel like I could have accomplished the same thing with a 6-month no buy period but I also don’t feel like I can stop. Like if I do, I’ll feel disappointed in myself.
I just needed to get all of that off my chest. I haven’t been able to write in months and I think it’s because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t having a great experience. When I’ve read about other no buy challenges, they seem to have been positive experiences mostly. But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever do another one. Six months seems like the sweet spot for me.
Thanks for reading. It feels nice to have finally written something to share with you 🩶
I was someone who was inspired to do a no-buy because of your no-buy, and I want you to know I will always be grateful for the gentle push I felt when I read about what you were undertaking. I loved that you were very clear about your rules and goals. I loved that you shared your thought processes along the way. Thank you for your willingness to share everything, including this update. For what it’s worth, I stopped my own no-buy right after the six month point. I gave it a lot of thought before I stopped. Mostly I was afraid of disappointing people, which was ridiculous. I was doing it for myself! I learned plenty about myself and my shopping habits during those six months. I discovered where I had needs, and saw where I still had too much. It was a great experience, but I just felt “done” at six months. I have no regrets, and I am proud of the work I did during that time. All of this to say, you are the boss of you. You get to decide when you’re done. There isn’t really a finish line to any of this work. I think you’ve done amazing, life-changing work, and you’ve inspired a whole bunch of people along the way! PS I was so excited to see your post show up in my inbox!!
Hi Gillian,
I was also very happy to see your post in my inbox. As a rebel creating forbidden restrictions never feels right for me. They just make it harder. Although I do rage quit things and that seems to work.
Your journey is very inspiring. The way you shared it was art in it self. The writing, photos, videos, curated capsules all styled and presented so beautifully.
There may be something new wanting to come out that is a deeper expression. Explore limiting beliefs about yourself and what your creative abilities might be. Art 🖼️ on❣️