Ah, I so relate to this post! I also live in an area where there seems to be a bit of a uniform way of dressing/ signature “mom outfit” (nothing wrong with that!), and I can feel like a bit of a fish out of water at times. I don’t want to stray from my personal style to blend in, but it’s something that I’m definitely aware of when I walk into certain spaces—a bit of dissonance.
I've definitely thrown on the "mom outfit" from time to time depending on the situation 😅Sometimes I think it'd be so nice to live in a big city like New York where it seems like you can wear anything you want and not be judged (maybe this is not the case), but then I'm sure I'd miss the slowness of a suburban life.
Same! Sometimes I’m in the mood for it. :) I actually lived in NYC for almost 15 yrs, and my family and I moved to a rural area a few years ago. I never thought twice about anything I wore in New York, that’s for sure 🤣. I do miss that, but I wouldn’t trade the peace I have in the country for the hustle of city life. I’m glad to have left that behind!
I bet she said, “Sigh, I wish I had the courage to dress like her/ stop dyeing my hair like her,” or something like that. 💕 And on the minuscule chance that she was snarking on you, that says FAR more about her than you.
Your hair is gorgeous! And your style is fabulous. Hold your head high and give those women a big smile. Kill ‘em with kindness.
We really are our own worst enemies the way we jump to the negative first. I am sure the women were admiring something in your appearance because I certainly would have been and if they were being negative they just aren't your people. Do we care what those people think? No we only care about the opinions of 'our people'. It is all easier said than done. I think I have learned to walk around with blinkers on because if I don't I will always think the worst of someone looking a bit too long at me. My partner has told me of people staring at me (he always says it is positive) but I have been oblivious. I think he stares back on my behalf, lol. Regardless of stares I will continue on my merry way with my grey hair and my style so no point in noticing someone's stare. Reading this and the comments has made me reflective about my own staring. I love to look at what people are wearing and hope that people aren't thinking it is negative if I look a bit too long. I often want to give a positive comment but do hold back, when I probably shouldn't.
We really are! If you’re admiring something about someone, I think the positive vibes are there, and I bet that if you made eye contact with the person, you would give them a friendly smile which is all that’s really needed. Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake ☺️ And I honestly don’t think I would have been that bothered if just the first woman looked me up and down, I think it was her saying something to her friend and then feeling like they were talking about me that made the situation stand out to me and, like you say, who cares! It was never my intention to make anyone feel bad about observing “people in the wild”, more about how I automatically assume that people are thinking negatively when that may not even be the case, which is something that I’m trying to flip the switch on. Thanks for your thought-provoking comment, Rach 💕
I tend to think people are saying negative things, and run through everything about my appearance that day to try and figure out what they were talking about me for. Until I had the exact same experience as you and then one of the woman actually spoke to me, and said "my friend was just telling me how much she loves the colour of your jacket! She's too shy to ask, but I'm not - haha! - where did you get it? It's gorgeous."... And it dawned on me, that 1. It could be a complimentary thing! And 2. The tittering together might be just because someone is shy. Then I thought myself about when I've done similar - said to my friend," oh look at that girl's shoes - that's exactly the style I'm looking for that I was trying to describe to you before!". I feel so bad that the person might have thought I was passing negative comment on her outfit. People are better than you think they are, on the whole.
That's a great reminder, Stephanie! Sometimes it's so easy to just jump into the negative thoughts. And thanks for sharing that story about the lady that loved your jacket and her friend that was bold enough to ask about it - what colour was it?
First let me say I love(d) your outfit! The little extra of the cami (I'm guessing ) is/was brilliant. This is such a great post... I'm guessing again, that it no doubt resinates with many. I always wonder why we go to the negative 1st rather than the positive? Clearly something for deeper therapy session. LOL. I'm am 62+ I started the gray transition 23 yrs ago, took 3 yrs for the full thing. Haven't looked back. It's been long, before but now short and spiky wild, a crazy destructed A-line bob that I cut myself. (covid taught us many things) I get stares. and compliments from the least likely. My husbands favorite pastime is walking behind me and watching the stares...I think that the ladies were probably thinking that they wish they could have long fabulous gray hair or embrace gray for themselves. and were loving the outfit wishing that they could breakout of the Lulu cycle. I 99% believe that had I been in that cafe , I would have walked over to your table to tell you how amazing you looked. Something I find interesting is that unsolicited compliments boost my mood and in turn giving them, also does the same. Never let the 'Ladies" get to you...If someone dares to stare, give it right back, with a wink and a nod...
It does sound like the rest of the day was fabulous fun with a friend. And I can’t wait to hear back. Funny story, yesterday, we went to an outdoorsman show. Basically just to look around, we don’t hunt or fish. We were kind of just looking at RVs, but that’s not the point. As we were walking by there were two guys and a gal in a booth. One guy had just taken off his hat and was running his hand through his hair the other two were laughing and also looking at me. I noticed, and I took the opportunity to stop until the guy that he absolutely could have hair like mine with just a little bit of product and a blow dryer. It was kind of like I caught them red-handed making fun but… I don’t know, but I felt great because it kind of stopped him in their tracks. Could be I’m a little full of myself thinking that they were laughing or looking at me, but it just seemed to work out. Then we talked a little bit about hair product… Lol.
Thanks Annie 🫶🏻 I definitely didn't let the experience deter me from enjoying my outfit the rest of the day...maybe I even enjoyed it a little bit more in spite of it. And I have no doubt that you would have done that! I also feel the same about unsolicited compliments - I love to give them out and hope that it gives the person a little confidence boost for the day. I'll be employing the wink and nod the next time this happens - I'll report back to you 😉
One of my cousins used to be very critical of me, and it used to get to me, until I was complaining about it to someone and they said, “I wonder why she feels threatened by you?” and that really turned it around for me. That was a long time ago, but I internalised the message, and so I tend to now just feel that people show their insecurities by criticising others.
But I agree, I bet she wasn’t criticising you, but was instead admiring your hair or your style or the whole lot!
(In Italy people openly stare a lot - it’s a perfectly acceptable public transport pastime! But when we were young, if someone was giving my sister and me a negative up and down, we’d do the same back, but add a gradually dawning expression of horror).
Love how you turned it around. Like you say, you loved it and wouldn’t change it so why worry? You be you!
And I’m gradually transitioning to silver and really trying hard to resist the negative thoughts that creep in like, do I look like I’m less fun? But when I look at women who have embraced their greys online they look like they’re having the most fun! They’re free!
I think I might be one who stares as grey-haired women my age and if this ever happens to you - I’m MARVELLING at your beauty and confidence and too shy to say it. I will say it from now!
Ooo I'm so excited for your silver hair journey...it was a roller coaster of a transition for me but so worth it in the long run!
I don't necessarily think you need to say something if you don't want to (although I'm sure the person would appreciate it). I think I was feeling all bothered because she said something to her friend and then they blatantly looked me up and down, so I think it was the insecurity that arose from thinking that people were talking about me negatively.
Ha ok - I won't go all weird on anyone but I do often just want to say, 'looks lovely.'
I'm lucky that my stylist and I started talking about it a while ago so I never had to grow out a definite line. She started blending in a few lighter and darker sections a while back so that it's coming in quite naturally but it does take a bit of getting used to. I mostly notice it when I wear lighter colours and I think I need something darker near my face now - or stronger make-up which is new territory!
It sounds like you're transitioning to silver the way that I did. I thought it was great to not have a line of demarkation and I also think it gave me time to mentally make the shift from brunette to silver, with a stop at blond in the middle. I took me 3 years to grow my natural hair down to my shoulders which is when I finally cut all of the old off with a bob. And it's been another couple of years to grow it out to the point it is now.
And I was nodding along with you with the lighter colors bit - it changed a lot about how I dress and do my makeup - I got rid of a lot of cream colored sweaters/top and for the ones that I did keep, I do try to have something darker close to my face (such as a bandana). I also started to wear a red-pink lipstick or gloss and use a little more blush than I used to. And I also don't use purple shampoo so my hair takes on a warmer tone since I'm not stripping away the yellow. I find that this helps with wearing warmer tones of clothes.
This was such a great stack! Thank you. I almost always have the voice in my head saying what will others think when I wear something a little different. You’re a great help
Ah, I so relate to this post! I also live in an area where there seems to be a bit of a uniform way of dressing/ signature “mom outfit” (nothing wrong with that!), and I can feel like a bit of a fish out of water at times. I don’t want to stray from my personal style to blend in, but it’s something that I’m definitely aware of when I walk into certain spaces—a bit of dissonance.
I've definitely thrown on the "mom outfit" from time to time depending on the situation 😅Sometimes I think it'd be so nice to live in a big city like New York where it seems like you can wear anything you want and not be judged (maybe this is not the case), but then I'm sure I'd miss the slowness of a suburban life.
Same! Sometimes I’m in the mood for it. :) I actually lived in NYC for almost 15 yrs, and my family and I moved to a rural area a few years ago. I never thought twice about anything I wore in New York, that’s for sure 🤣. I do miss that, but I wouldn’t trade the peace I have in the country for the hustle of city life. I’m glad to have left that behind!
I bet she said, “Sigh, I wish I had the courage to dress like her/ stop dyeing my hair like her,” or something like that. 💕 And on the minuscule chance that she was snarking on you, that says FAR more about her than you.
Your hair is gorgeous! And your style is fabulous. Hold your head high and give those women a big smile. Kill ‘em with kindness.
Thanks, Sheila 💕 I’ll be sure to make eye contact next time and give my biggest smile - great advice!
We really are our own worst enemies the way we jump to the negative first. I am sure the women were admiring something in your appearance because I certainly would have been and if they were being negative they just aren't your people. Do we care what those people think? No we only care about the opinions of 'our people'. It is all easier said than done. I think I have learned to walk around with blinkers on because if I don't I will always think the worst of someone looking a bit too long at me. My partner has told me of people staring at me (he always says it is positive) but I have been oblivious. I think he stares back on my behalf, lol. Regardless of stares I will continue on my merry way with my grey hair and my style so no point in noticing someone's stare. Reading this and the comments has made me reflective about my own staring. I love to look at what people are wearing and hope that people aren't thinking it is negative if I look a bit too long. I often want to give a positive comment but do hold back, when I probably shouldn't.
We really are! If you’re admiring something about someone, I think the positive vibes are there, and I bet that if you made eye contact with the person, you would give them a friendly smile which is all that’s really needed. Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake ☺️ And I honestly don’t think I would have been that bothered if just the first woman looked me up and down, I think it was her saying something to her friend and then feeling like they were talking about me that made the situation stand out to me and, like you say, who cares! It was never my intention to make anyone feel bad about observing “people in the wild”, more about how I automatically assume that people are thinking negatively when that may not even be the case, which is something that I’m trying to flip the switch on. Thanks for your thought-provoking comment, Rach 💕
I tend to think people are saying negative things, and run through everything about my appearance that day to try and figure out what they were talking about me for. Until I had the exact same experience as you and then one of the woman actually spoke to me, and said "my friend was just telling me how much she loves the colour of your jacket! She's too shy to ask, but I'm not - haha! - where did you get it? It's gorgeous."... And it dawned on me, that 1. It could be a complimentary thing! And 2. The tittering together might be just because someone is shy. Then I thought myself about when I've done similar - said to my friend," oh look at that girl's shoes - that's exactly the style I'm looking for that I was trying to describe to you before!". I feel so bad that the person might have thought I was passing negative comment on her outfit. People are better than you think they are, on the whole.
That's a great reminder, Stephanie! Sometimes it's so easy to just jump into the negative thoughts. And thanks for sharing that story about the lady that loved your jacket and her friend that was bold enough to ask about it - what colour was it?
It is magenta. And it's my favourite!
I LOVE magenta!
First let me say I love(d) your outfit! The little extra of the cami (I'm guessing ) is/was brilliant. This is such a great post... I'm guessing again, that it no doubt resinates with many. I always wonder why we go to the negative 1st rather than the positive? Clearly something for deeper therapy session. LOL. I'm am 62+ I started the gray transition 23 yrs ago, took 3 yrs for the full thing. Haven't looked back. It's been long, before but now short and spiky wild, a crazy destructed A-line bob that I cut myself. (covid taught us many things) I get stares. and compliments from the least likely. My husbands favorite pastime is walking behind me and watching the stares...I think that the ladies were probably thinking that they wish they could have long fabulous gray hair or embrace gray for themselves. and were loving the outfit wishing that they could breakout of the Lulu cycle. I 99% believe that had I been in that cafe , I would have walked over to your table to tell you how amazing you looked. Something I find interesting is that unsolicited compliments boost my mood and in turn giving them, also does the same. Never let the 'Ladies" get to you...If someone dares to stare, give it right back, with a wink and a nod...
It does sound like the rest of the day was fabulous fun with a friend. And I can’t wait to hear back. Funny story, yesterday, we went to an outdoorsman show. Basically just to look around, we don’t hunt or fish. We were kind of just looking at RVs, but that’s not the point. As we were walking by there were two guys and a gal in a booth. One guy had just taken off his hat and was running his hand through his hair the other two were laughing and also looking at me. I noticed, and I took the opportunity to stop until the guy that he absolutely could have hair like mine with just a little bit of product and a blow dryer. It was kind of like I caught them red-handed making fun but… I don’t know, but I felt great because it kind of stopped him in their tracks. Could be I’m a little full of myself thinking that they were laughing or looking at me, but it just seemed to work out. Then we talked a little bit about hair product… Lol.
With a wink and a nod ..😉😜
Oooo I love your confidence! And it sounds like it was a fun interaction in the end 😉
Thanks Annie 🫶🏻 I definitely didn't let the experience deter me from enjoying my outfit the rest of the day...maybe I even enjoyed it a little bit more in spite of it. And I have no doubt that you would have done that! I also feel the same about unsolicited compliments - I love to give them out and hope that it gives the person a little confidence boost for the day. I'll be employing the wink and nod the next time this happens - I'll report back to you 😉
One of my cousins used to be very critical of me, and it used to get to me, until I was complaining about it to someone and they said, “I wonder why she feels threatened by you?” and that really turned it around for me. That was a long time ago, but I internalised the message, and so I tend to now just feel that people show their insecurities by criticising others.
But I agree, I bet she wasn’t criticising you, but was instead admiring your hair or your style or the whole lot!
(In Italy people openly stare a lot - it’s a perfectly acceptable public transport pastime! But when we were young, if someone was giving my sister and me a negative up and down, we’d do the same back, but add a gradually dawning expression of horror).
Thanks for sharing that, Louise! I'm storing that little nugget away to refer back to in future situations that are similar.
Love how you turned it around. Like you say, you loved it and wouldn’t change it so why worry? You be you!
And I’m gradually transitioning to silver and really trying hard to resist the negative thoughts that creep in like, do I look like I’m less fun? But when I look at women who have embraced their greys online they look like they’re having the most fun! They’re free!
I think I might be one who stares as grey-haired women my age and if this ever happens to you - I’m MARVELLING at your beauty and confidence and too shy to say it. I will say it from now!
Ooo I'm so excited for your silver hair journey...it was a roller coaster of a transition for me but so worth it in the long run!
I don't necessarily think you need to say something if you don't want to (although I'm sure the person would appreciate it). I think I was feeling all bothered because she said something to her friend and then they blatantly looked me up and down, so I think it was the insecurity that arose from thinking that people were talking about me negatively.
Yes, that was plain rude.
Ha ok - I won't go all weird on anyone but I do often just want to say, 'looks lovely.'
I'm lucky that my stylist and I started talking about it a while ago so I never had to grow out a definite line. She started blending in a few lighter and darker sections a while back so that it's coming in quite naturally but it does take a bit of getting used to. I mostly notice it when I wear lighter colours and I think I need something darker near my face now - or stronger make-up which is new territory!
Glad you enjoyed the coffee and forgot about it.
It sounds like you're transitioning to silver the way that I did. I thought it was great to not have a line of demarkation and I also think it gave me time to mentally make the shift from brunette to silver, with a stop at blond in the middle. I took me 3 years to grow my natural hair down to my shoulders which is when I finally cut all of the old off with a bob. And it's been another couple of years to grow it out to the point it is now.
And I was nodding along with you with the lighter colors bit - it changed a lot about how I dress and do my makeup - I got rid of a lot of cream colored sweaters/top and for the ones that I did keep, I do try to have something darker close to my face (such as a bandana). I also started to wear a red-pink lipstick or gloss and use a little more blush than I used to. And I also don't use purple shampoo so my hair takes on a warmer tone since I'm not stripping away the yellow. I find that this helps with wearing warmer tones of clothes.
Your hair is #goals and your outfits are so cool. If they were saying anything negative, it’s totally because they were jealous.
100%!!!
Thanks so much for this kind comment 🫶🏻 I need to make some sort of “confidence list” that I can add this too!
This was such a great stack! Thank you. I almost always have the voice in my head saying what will others think when I wear something a little different. You’re a great help
I’m so glad that you enjoyed it, Susan! Hopefully one of these days we stop hearing that voice of self-doubt.